Released
by FandomDealer
Summary: Follow the insane friends Joz and Tal into the Plumverse where they meet all the characters and proceed to harass them... ok so bad summary... i'll figure it out later. title and summary changing eventually. Rating for language. CLOSED.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: We don't own the Plumverse! If we did, some people would be (insert dirty thought of your own about Ranger)... we don't own any of the characters. :sigh:**

**A/N:** This is a collaborative effort between Jocelyn and me. Yay! I've convinced her to join the insanity. When I read this it makes me feel less sad, because its like having her here.

I apologize a head of time that this chapter will not be getting us to Trenton, but the next chapter, I promise!

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Chapter 1: Road Trip _Tal's POV_

It was one of those hot muggy days. Where you can feel the humidity and your hair goes crazy.

We were almost out of gas and in the middle of no where so we decided to turn off the A/C to save the gas until we got to a gas station, which hasn't happened in a while. And I think we're lost, but I'm not going to say that out loud… yet.

It was a bad idea is all I have to say. A very bad idea to say 'yay! Lets go on a road trip' and then do it. I had made it to Massachusetts fine and joined by Joz we were going to make our way down to Florida to go to Disney World; then across the country to California to pick up Roz and Eima but at this rate we're just going to end up in Kansas.

I let out a groan at this thought.

"What?" Joz questioned me.

"Oh nothing, nothing." I hurriedly answered.

She narrowed her eyes at me and I stared at the road trying to ignore her. I know I'm going to have to tell her eventually but not yet. I should at least try to find a sign or a highway? I thought we were on a highway, but it just looks kind of like a smaller road. But you never know.

I kept driving not saying anything. I was going at about 70, the wind was blasting in my face, the music was blaring (we were listening to Otep), and I was just about to say something when I spotted a highway some distance away. At the intersection was one of those small towns. Yes! Joz is not going to kill me in a heat induced mania!

I pulled into the gas station like I knew what I was doing and where I was going. I let Joz pump the gas while I ran inside to stock us up on snacks and drinks which we had run out of. And of course to ask the gas station clerk-person which way to go to get to Florida. He told me to take a right on to the highway and I'll be fine.

Now we had a full tank of gas and the right directions, we put up our windows, blasted on the A/C and sang along to the songs that were playing, while munching away at the newly acquired snacks.

---

It was an hour later that I noticed the rain clouds that we were approaching. And it was getting dark. I guess we should find a motel or something but I didn't see anything around.

"Uh, Joz?"

"Yea."

"It looks like rain and we don't have a place to stop." There was a question there of what to do.

Joz seemed to consider this and shrugged. "We could just pull over or keep driving, maybe we'll find some place."

"I guess." She was giving me options, I never was too good about deciding things, so just ended up continuing to do what I was and not really making a decision. In this case I kept driving, right into the shadow of the dark clouds.

It wasn't soon after that the rain came down on us in heavy globs that made it impossible to see out the window. We passed by a green sign but I couldn't see what it said.

"Did you see what it said?"

"Nope."

By this time I almost had my nose pressed to the window, the rain was so heavy. The only thing I could see was the lightening up ahead, which was getting too close for my comfort.

I patted Prongs on the dash. "You be a good boy and get us through this storm and I'll give you a whole week of the good gas."

"Bribing your car Tal?" Joz gave me that look that she always gives me when I do or say something stupid.

I gave her a smile and a shrug and continued to concentrate on the road. All of the sudden there was a flash of light right in front of me and I slam on the breaks. The car skids a little and angles off but stops.

"What the fuck was that?" Joz asked obviously surprised by what had happened as I was.

I was cursing. "Shit, fuck! Arg!" Okay so I ended with a random irritated noise. I was pretty sure that was lightening and I'm pretty sure it was close enough that it hit my car! "Prongs!" I screamed at the car banging on the steering wheel. "You piece of shit! Is good gas not good enough for you!"

"Tal." Joz put a calming hand on my shoulder. "Calm down." She said it slow as if talking to a hysterical person, which I might qualify for at the moment.

I took a couple of deep breaths and told myself to calm. "Right. Right." I said out loud to myself.

Joz was now staring out the windshield. I looked at what she was looking at and I could feel my heat rise all over again. I closed my eyes again and breathed in deeply. Clam Tal, calm.

When I opened my eyes, I threw the door open and stepped out while Joz yelled to me asking me if I was crazy.

I shut the door behind me and completely ignoring the rain (which actually felt good after the hot day), I took a closer look at the hood of my car. There was a gigantic black scorch mark right in the middle of the silver hood. I couldn't believe it, Prongs was actually hit by lightening.

"Fuck it." I said under my breath, kicked the tire and got back in dripping wet. I grabbed the towel from the back seat and whipped the excess water away. My clothes were still wet, but no big deal.

"Try the engine." Joz told me and I did. But there was nothing. We heard the click-click of the ignition but that was about it.

"That could have fried the circuits." I told Joz.

Joz fished out her cell phone from her bag at her feet and took a look at it. "No signal."

I checked my phone, but it said 'searching'.

"I think we're stuck here for the night."

_Joz's POV_

We're stuck in God knows where because Taliya can't make decisions. She thinks that I don't know, but definitely I do. I knew about four hours ago when she was trying to pretend not to be lost. Sometimes I like to humor her and pretend like she actually has the ability to keep her thoughts secret.

But that's not the point. The point is that we're lost, alone, and without transportation or phone access. And all of these problems point to only one solution. And it's a solution that I already know that I won't like. We're going to have to start walking and hope we run into some thing or someone that won't try to kill, maim, rape, or anything else us.

I hate walking. I really, really hate walking.

I'm a lazy bastard. I admit it freely. And since Taliya wouldn't admit to being lost four hours ago (when we could have avoided this outcome) I totally refuse to feel bad for berating her through the whole process.

"Arg! What are we going to do?" Taliya, who has been just this side of hysteria for the past fifteen minutes, finally breaks down and asks me.

She's doing good. I expected her to break long before now. But at least it gave me time to get used to the idea of having to walk.

"We're going to walk."

"WALK! Where are we going to walk to! There's nothing here!"

"Okay…breathe. I know there's nothing around. But, there's also no other real choice."

"So which way are we going to go? I don't remember a lot of markers between here and that Gas station."

"Well we know where we've been—a barren wasteland…So we'll go forward. Maybe we'll stumble across civilization."

"We're going to die."

"Well…yes there is a good chance. But at least we'll die fighting."

"What the hell are you saying!"

"I don't know. I was hoping saying it would make me believe it. Look, I know this isn't the ideal situation. And most movies, TV shows, and the nightly news would have us believe that we are about to die. And yes, I do believe them. But…we've got to try something."

God I sound so much more confident than I feel. But one of us is going to have to be. And seeing as Tal has turned into a lunatic (haha…turned, because she was so sane before) it's going to have to be me. Dammit I hate being the rational one.

"Look Tal, we're both going to pretend that we're not freaked the fuck out and just start walking. I mean after arming ourselves with whatever sharp slash heavy blunt objects we can find."

"But it's night and it's raining."

Hmm…that's true. And we'll more likely to be run over or kidnapped in the rain if horror movies can be trusted….

"Okay so we'll sleep in the car—in shifts—and start out tomorrow morning."

"How am I supposed to sleep?"

"I could hit you."

"Haha"

Oh yeah…that **was** a joke…


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing!

**A/N: **Joz and I would like to thank those who reviewed! (Bowlingforshrimp, kaitou angel, and Veriea Fornnan) sigh This chapter won't get us far either and we really are working as fast as we can... though I might have all the time in the world (which I don't, I'm currently updating from my computer class) Joz really doesn't have all that much time... we should all poke her into action.

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**Chapter 2: Bubba to the Rescue**

_Tal's POV _

So Jocelyn wasn't completely sane. She actually suggested walking and she hates walking! But the insane part is she actually suggested we walk in the rain! I wouldn't have minded walking in the rain, I used to all the time. But this was insanity slipping out of Joz.

So we were both a little hysterical. And now she was suggesting we sleep in the car in shifts… why shifts?

"How am I suppose to sleep!" It slipped out of my mouth before I could think.

"I could hit you." Jocelyn threatened.

"Haha." In reality Joz would never hit me, she rarely did and only in return for the bruises I left on her arm. Maybe I should shut up and go to sleep, but I was curious… shifts? "Shifts?" I asked Joz.

"In case serial rapists or inbred hicks try to attack us."

I was puzzled by the inbred hicks part. We were in New Jersey, there are no inbred hicks here… or that's what I thought. I just raised my eyebrow her way.

"This is how all horror movies start! You get stranded somewhere and then they come after you!"

She was obviously insane but now that she's said it, I believe it. I can't sleep. "I can't sleep now." I told her, looking around outside the car for an suspicious shadows.

She looked around too. "Dammit."

We were obviously not going to be sleeping tonight. We were good at this though. Every time we had a sleep over with the gang, we would be the ones to stay up all night.

"So we don't sleep during the night. No big deal. We'll just be sleep deprived when the stalker comes."

"Taliya!" She punched me. Obviously something she didn't want to hear. I sighed and rubbed my arm. Wow it hurts.

We sat and talked most of the night, by 3 in the morning we got to our _state. _The state where we've both a little sleepy and we keep saying are you awake and the other person who's obviously drifting off says 'yea yea I'm awake' and snaps open their eyes. And then we loose track of our conversation and nothing is really rational anymore.

--

Wow, this is really weird. There's a parrot pecking at a coconut tree… I've seen woodpeckers do it but not parrots. And worst of all it's making a very loud knocking sound. Dreaming right.

I opened my eyes slowly and saw a very bearded man in Joz's window. I let out a shriek which woke Joz who saw the face in the window and let out a shriek of her own which caused me to shriek. After lets out our line of shrieks we sat there breathing hard. So we were a little jumpy. The man was still there and he gave a small wave.

Joz opened her door and the man leaned in.

"You ladies need some help?" he asked.

"Help would be nice." I said.

"What's wrong with your car?"

I couldn't help but smile at this. He won't believe me. I pointed through the windshield to the hood. "Got hit by lightening, I think the circuits are fried."

He straightened up and took a look at the hood of the car. "Whoa, you ain't jokin'." We were both shaking our heads. "Good think I drive a tow truck."

Our eyes shifted to the front where there was indeed a tow truck parked and waiting like a gift from heaven; we both looked at each other and our eyes brightened. I was ready to do a happy dance… I'm not sure I could say the same for Joz.

I was so happy, I was ready to kiss the guy, instead I jumped out of the car and gave him the keys.

He went to work on loading the car while Joz and I watched. I know… so wrong. The guy is being nice and giving us a ride and everything and I'm just standing there watching.

When he finally had Prongs up in the back we got into the truck. It was nice and large and spacey with a bench seat in the front. I was in the middle.

"By the way, you can call me Bubba."

"Hi, I'm Taliya."

"I'm Jocelyn."

"What are you ladies doing out here?"

I looked at Joz to see if she wanted to answer that but she gave me that look. The look that said _this is all your fault._ So I turned back to Bubba. "Road trip. School just ended and we just graduated. Thought we'd go down to Florida and see Disney World."

"You still got a long way to go. This here is going to delay you a little."

I bet Stephanie could never say she destroyed a car with lightening, though I suppose I haven't destroyed it… just damaged it… a lot. Not my fault really. It was a freak storm.

I turned to Joz. "You think I have worse luck with cars than Steph?"

She gave me a look, so I explained. "A pillar jumped out at one, I nearly drowned another, and then lightening of all things?"

_Joz's POV_

So this guy, supposedly, is a mechanic or can get us to a mechanic. I forget. There was a whole haze of being scared shitless going on while he was talking.

Now Tal is talking to me about Stephanie Plum! Doesn't she realize that this guy at any time could pull out a gun and walk us into the woods? Oh god, now I'm paranoid.

Okay he seems cool. Wait Tal almost drowned a car? Must ask about that later.

So…Bubba (I hope that's a nick name) has offered to take us to the nearest phone. This means getting into a car—okay rundown truck—with him. Hmm…

I try to signal to Tal as we walk towards the deathtrap. Dammit still talking about Stephanie Plum. Okay here is where all of my skills at allusion and memory of pop culture are going to come in handy. I'm going to pretend to discuss this character with her and in some way subliminally tell her to be on her guard about Bubba and the truck-o-death.

Ahh! I only read those things for the jokes and the Ranger and Stephanie romance. I can't remember details!

I kick her instead.

"Oww! You walked into me."

So much for subtlety.

"Oops."

Okay well never mind. Now we're in the truck-o-death. But we're still alive and I'm willing to look on the bright side of the situation.

The nearest phone turns out to be in the lobby of this skanky motel, whose name sounds vaguely familiar, off the freeway. We thank Bubba—okay Tal thanks him and I try to put as much distance between us and him—and enter the lobby.

The very not helpful desk clerk eventually pulls out a phone book. What the hell? We're in New Jersey. Now I don't know a damn thing about geography…but I don't think we're supposed to be anywhere near New Jersey. But again, don't know geography. I could be wrong—there is that thing where I don't know geography.

Anyway so I let Tal randomly select a mechanic. I know it's not a smart practice and could easily lead to us being screwed over—but it's not like we can call anyone to ask for the name of a good mechanic.

Tal picks a name—apparently based on the fact that it matches a name in the Evanovich novels. We call, there's the arrangement of a tow truck, and then we're off the phone again. The mechanic is based in Trenton. Tal goes crazy.

"You know what this means?"

"That we're about to pay a lot of money to fix what probably is a very small problem?"

"No! Yes! No—well that's not what I mean.**"**

"Uh…okay."

"Trenton, Joz…its Trenton." She starts poking me for effect.

"Okay, okay. It's Trenton I get it. Steph, Ranger, wacky adventures. Stop poking me!"

She gets this look in her eyes. I don't like that look. That's the kind of look that puts me at a Starbucks at ten o'clock at night or midnight preview of the new Harry Potter movie. Which by the way she just picks a part…so really what is the point of going to see them? Whatever, back to the matter at hand.

"Do you think we could look for her house? Or better yet let's find Rangeman."

And we have just entered crazy town.

"Um how about we first make sure the car is okay. And that we have somewhere to live while it's being repaired. Then we can…oh god…find Rangeman."

"Yay!"

I hope she knows that she's paying the cab fare.

So anyway. I call my friend Mary who lives in Trenton. Yay for going to a college in New England, everyone is from around here. She offers to put us up for a couple of days. The mechanic said that he wouldn't be able to look at the car until tomorrow…so there's no reason to go over that way today.

Well then. I guess we have time to go find Rangeman. Maybe I should put out it out there that those books are fictional…Nah. Besides, I might slightly maybe want to find Rangeman myself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **we don't own any of the plumverse.

**A/N:** I've had this for a while... its justI haven't had time to put it up. Joz is super busy with school work and I'm busy with work.

Reviews are appreciated.

Enjoy.

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**Chapter 3: Pino's**

_Tal's POV_

Yay! I was doing a happy dance in my head. We were going to find Rangeman. Rangeman! Yes, yes! I continued to do a happy dance in my head.

While I was dancing my head, I was also thinking about Joz's behavior towards Bubba. Bubba was a really nice guy and he gave us a ride! Half the time she was giving me that _what's wrong with you_ look and the other half she was giving him the _I know you're a psycho _look. Interesting eh?

In this situation I'm the naïve one and she's the paranoid one. We switch depending on who's being which. It's one of those balancing acts we carry on. Mostly, I play the naïve one. So I was playing my part and was being naïve. And anyway, Bubba really was a nice guy… I wasn't getting a psycho vibe and that's good enough for me.

Thanks to him we were standing in a sleazy motel off of Route 1 right at the edge of Trenton. Possibly _The_ Motel… the one that Steph has caught Morelli at. How excited am I? This is like a dream come true. The only thing that would make this any better would be if the characters were real. sigh

We stepped out of the lobby into the hot air and watched as a SUV pulled into the shabby parking lot. A very hot guy stepped out. Black hair, dark eyes, tanned skin; just generally Italian looking. Hot!

There was a definite bulge at his side that announced the presence of a gun and I saw a flash of light bouncing off of something. A badge! Yes! A Badge! A cop! Not the Mafia!

I poked Joz in the arm.

"Are you planning on giving me a new bruise?" Joz asked me.

"Hunh?" I looked down at her arm where she was rubbing it. "Oh… sorry." I'm not suppose to poke her. "Anyway, look." I pointed at the hot Italian cop who got out of the SUV. "Kinda hot."

"Hmm… yes, yes he is."

"That's how I imagine Morelli."

She looked at me and frowned. "If that's how Morelli looks then I completely understand why Steph's with him, and I can't accept that."

"Don't forget the sex, he's supposed to have a tongue like a lizard's, that's the real reason she's with him."

We quieted down as he walked past us into the lobby.

I poked Joz again and she gave me a glare, which I ignored. "You think it's the real him?"

"Tal, its fiction."

"But… eh! Hmph!"

A tow-truck entered the parking-lot and parked in front of Prongs. The guy got out of the truck.

"Hallo." I said mustering up all my cheeriness (which isn't all that much).

"This the car?" He asked all business and I nodded.

He asked for the keys and I gave them to him and he loaded up the car and left. He took the keys with him. (hmm… I think he just stole my lightening struck car.)

"Let's go call a cab."

We walked back into the lobby as hot Italian cop walked out with a key in his hand.

"Yo, Jake, call us a cab will ya." I called to the guy behind the desk.

"My name's not Jake."

"Whatever, call a cab"

He picked up the phone with a disgruntled face and muttered something to the person at the other end. He hung up and looked at us.

"Well?" I asked.

"It'll be here in 30." He said and quietly added, "I can't wait."

We walked back outside. "What's wrong with him?" I asked rhetorically. I expected Joz to shrug but she just slapped me up side the head.

"Why do you have to be so rude to people!"

"Hunh?"

"You called the guy Jake."

"Uhhh…"

"That's not his name Tal." Joz said it slow for me. I didn't see the problem here.. I think Joz gave up on trying to explain why I was wrong, too bad too, 'cause I generally find that part of our arguments amusing. Anyway, we stood around and waited for the cab. When it finally came, we were both so relieved that we forgot everything that happened.

We got in the back of the cab and thanked the gods for the invention of air conditioning. The cabby turned in his seat and looked at us. "Where to?" he asked, his voice low and quiet.

"Al's-" I said at the same time as Joz said "Food."

"Hunh?" I asked.

"I'm hungry."

"I know but we have to pay the tow trucker and see to the car, it won't take long. I've done this before."

"Fine."

My stomach gave a loud grumble and Joz smirked. "Al's Auto Body." I said turning to the cab driver. "Do you know where that is? I know its along Route 1."

"Yea." He replied and turned back to face the front.

I looked down to where his license was displayed. _Frank Plum…._ You got to be kidding me! I elbowed Joz and pointed at the license.

"It's only a coincidence Taliya, it's fiction remember?"

I nodded, I guess she's right. It's only fiction. But I looked at the guy anyway, he did look Italian and he looked to be older… hmm.

We were dropped off at this yucky little garage and the cab driver said he'd wait for us.

In reality I would never deal with people like this, you know the shady kind, but eh… fictionally this guy is supposed to be good. Right?

The lot as completely ; the tow truck and my car were just sitting in the middle of it all. Only one of the bays was open so we walked straight there and called in.

"Hello?" I wasn't actually going to step in, this seemed the type of place a chainsaw friendly murder would go crazy in.

"Yea." This guy popped out of no where and I gave a little shriek while holding to my chest. Joz was behind me, I think silently laughing.

"You Al?"

"You the owner of the car?"

"Yes… how is Prongs? Have you taken a look at him yet?" I was honestly concerned. Prongs has been with me for a while now and I get very attached to inanimate objects.

"She means the car." Joz explained to Al who was giving me a weird look.

"Right. I found some burnt wires. What happened to it?"

"Struck by lightening." Joz told him and I only frowned.

He gave us another strange look. "Well then, you're circuits are probably fried too. I'll need some time."

"Right, makes sense. Where's the tow trucker dude?"

"Jimmy!" Al yelled in.

"Yea!" Jimmy grunted walking out of the bay.

"How much do I owe you?" I asked cringing at the thought of actually having to give up some money.

We worked it out, I wrote a check, grabbed all our stuff and got back into the cab. I was really hungry now and I was pretty sure Joz was too.

"Where do you want to go now?"

"Anywhere we can get food." Joz said.

"Pino's!" I almost yelled.

"Taliya! That place is fiction." She told me and then turned back to Frank. "Ignore her, we'll go to the nearest McDonalds."

"You sure you don't want to go to Pino's, they have the best pizza."

I got excited. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "We'll go there!"

I think Joz was dumbstruck, 'cause she wasn't saying anything, just kind of staring.

_Joz POV_

Okay so now this is a little weird. The cabb name is Frank Plum, ut that could totally be coincidentalI'm sure there are other people named Plum in the world. I don't know any of them and never heard of them before, but it could happen.

I have to focus. I'm in this strange cab in Trenton, New Jersey. We're going to have pizza at Pino's and we have no independent transportation. All things that I need to worry about. Plus the obsessed fan at my side who will probably pull out a camera at any moment and start clicking.

"I wish I had my camera."

"I know."

Frank gives Tal a strange look in the rearview. Sometimes I forget that most people aren't around photographers (or former photographers who never stop talking about photography) and therefore such statements seem weird. Also, probably not a ton of people lining up to take pictures of the Italian suburbs of Trenton.

"Look when we get to Pino's I say we eat. e call the moms and tell them there is a good chance we're going to have to borrow an intense amount of money from them in a short amount of time."

"I don't think it'll be that much."

I shake my head. Oh naïve little Tal.

"You're right. I'm sure it won't take that much to fix the car. Now the amount of money it cost to _actually_ fix that car and the amount of money we wind up forking over are two different things."

Tal rolls her eyes at me. "You always think some one is trying to rip us off."

I gasp, "Well…yes."

"You know there is something wrong in the world when _I'm_ more optimistic than you Joz."

I agree. Maybe I am taking this all too seriously. Maybe I need to revel in the wackiness that is being stranded in a town that I feel like I already know but have never actually set foot in.

Okay so f being optimistic. We just pulled into Pino's and there is a powder blue Buick in the parking lot. I am now officially freaked the fuck out. I need—

"Look! It's a Buick. It's a blue Buick."

There goes that damn pinching again. I swear she has just one more time doing that.

Frank chooses now to chime in: "Yeah it's a beauty ain't it. My daughter borrowed it from my mother-in-law, who got it from one of her brothers who passed….God rest his soul." He crosses himself.

His daughter. His daughter just happens to own this powder blue monstrosity. Don't get me wrong. I love big classic cars. Great things to look at, not sure I would own one of them though.

More pinching. I swear that girl. I totally don't feel bad about pinching her back.

"Ow. That one kind of hurt." Tal complained.

"Sorry."

We got out of the cab, paid Frank, and walked into Pino's. I ordered a pepperoni pizza. Tal ordered a pineapple and Canadian bacon. We looked around..

Not Stephanie. Not Stephanie. All these women definitely don't look like my imaginary Plum.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Janet Evanovich created the Plumverse... we're only playing in it.

**A/N:** Sorry this took so long. This chapter is a Tal POV only. Jocelyn's will get here eventually.

Ok I know this is not the idea place to put up a notice, but I have some fic ideas that just hopping around in my head waiting to be written and since I don't have time to actually write I'm willing to hand them off to anyone who is interested in writing them out. Contact me if you're interested.

Now enjoy!**

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**Chapter 4: Meetings**

_Tal's POV_

Ah! It's him, it's him. It's the hot Italian cop from the motel!

"Oy, Joz."

"Hunh?" She was staring at him too.

"Its only a coincidence right?"

"Right"

"He's not Morelli right?"

"Right."

"This is not Pino's from the books right?"

"Right…"

We both knew this was exactly like the Pino's from the book, filled with cops and others. But I've looked it up online before. I've googled Pino's, it doesn't exist.

"That's not Steph's car outside right?"

"Ri-" She never got to finish her word because a woman with curly brown hair, fair skin, and a nice body walked over to the Italian cop and took a seat next to him. He draped his arm over her shoulder and that's right they even kissed.

"No…" I moaned. "This is disgusting."

I couldn't believe Steph and Morelli were together again.

"What are you talking about." Joz snapped at me. "We don't even know if that's Steph and Morelli over there." This told me that she agreed with me secretly.

"You want me to go and ask?"

"NO!" Joz snapped her attention back to me, knowing very well that I would do it. Damn!

Our pizza's arrived and they were quite large. I knew I wasn't going to finish mine, but it's going to carry me through the rest of the day.

I took my first piece and began eating.

"What are we going to do?" I asked Joz.

"Eat, call our moms, find a place to stay and transportation."

"Right." So we were going to ignore the Italian and Curly.

The talk died after that, we were too hungry. Only a few words were exchanged.

After four slices I was getting a little twitchy. There they were… Steph and Morelli. I mean no! They aren't but that's the closest we're going to get. I have to take a picture.

"What?" Joz asked suspiciously.

"Nothing." I answered quickly and shoved more pizza into my mouth so I couldn't say anything more.

"I know that look Tal." Shit.

"Whaloo." I said through my mouthful of pizza.

"Taliya!" She gave me one of those stern looks.

I gave my bag at my feet a quick look. I had my sister's Nikon FM2, a new 50-mm lens and a new flash! Along with a dozen rolls of film!

Must resist taking a picture.

She caught my look to my bag and sighed. "You have a camera in there don't you?"

I gave her my best innocent look, which comes across as devious if you know me.

"Fine. Go. Take a god damn picture." She gave me permission. "But, after I leave."

"You're going to leave me here?"

"I'll wait outside for you. Do whatever your crazy head tell you to do." Wow… she never lets me do what my crazy head tells me to do.

I narrowed my eyes at her. "You're going to run away aren't you?"

She mock gasped. "Who me?"

I shook my head. "Too Stephanie Plum."

"You think so?"

--

Joz grabbed all her stuff and the pizzas and walked outside. I quickly dug in my own bag, pulled out my camera equipment put it together and got up. I pulled my backpack onto my shoulders, placed the camera around my neck, and picked up my duffel bag. I walked straight to the potential Cupcake couple and dropped my bag by my feet.

"Excuse me." I interrupted their conversation. Italian gave me a look that read _what now?_ "Can I take y'alls picture, please? You two look exactly like two of my favorite fictional characters." The woman gave me a look that said _you're crazy_ and the cop gave me a smile and a nod that you would give a child. And I didn't hesitate. I focused, snapped and repeated. Two pictures to make sure and thanked them. I put the lens cap back on and then picked up my bag to leave but Morelli-like spoke up.

"So, who are these _fictional characters_?" he asked.

I laughed a little. He's going to think I'm crazy. "Stephanie Plum and Joe Morelli." I turned again to leave when she spoke up.

"What do you mean fictional?"

I turned around gave her a weird look. "What do _you_ mean what do I mean fictional?"

We all stared at each other for a little.

"Y'all aren't them are you?" God what's wrong with me? I should have had my mouth wired shut! I shook my head. "I'm sorry-"

"We are." She answered.

"Y'all… are…?" I gave her a quizzical look.

"Stephanie Plum and Joe Morelli." She said.

I stare at them for a little, realize they're being serious and I run out of the place to tell Joz what I found and drag her back to meet them.

"Hey!" I heard someone yell after me. There was some scrambling, but I was already out the door facing Joz's _what did you do_ look.

Trying to catch my breath (so okay I'm a little out of shape but I was also carrying my stuff), I try to tell her. "Not." Breath, "fictional…" more heavy breathing.

"Taliya, catch your breath and tell me what you're trying to say."

"Hey you!" I turned to see Joe walk out of Pino's and towards us.

"Taliya?" Joz gave me that very adult _what did you do_ look which I shriveled under. She can read me like a gorram book.

I back off to stand behind her and then explained quickly in a whisper. "I asked if I could take a picture of them cuz they looked like two of my favorite fictional characters. I took a picture," Steph walked out as well, "and they asked who the fictional characters I thought they looked like."

"Shit Taliya!"

"They're them Joz! I ran out to get you, but now he seems a little angry and we all know about the Morelli temper."

"Tal he's a cop," he was now face to face with Joz. "Hi!" She said it so cheerily. "What ever it was she didn't mean it. She's a little slow."

"Wha?" My mouth again!

"Shh Tal."

"Humph."

"What did she mean by fictional?" He asked.

"I didn't think y'all were real." I spoke up. "I've heard about a bombshell bounty hunter called Stephanie Plum and a hot cop named Joe Morelli from a net friend. "I couldn't tell them I read about them in a series of books right? "I thought she made them… y'all up. Heh heh heh… she told me you blew up a funeral home." I said pointing to Steph.

"It wasn't my fault!" Steph was on the defensive, this is good.

"Where are you two from?" Joe asked.

"Texas." Joz answered.

"Omigod! Texas! They know about me in Texas?"

"No, of course not." Joz said. "Just this crazy one," pointing to me.

"Why did you run out?" Joe asked suspiciously.

I gave him a big smile. "I wanted to get Joz, I got a little excited."

"Right." Joe gave me a last look that I couldn't read. "I'm going back in." Steph nodded. "I have to get back to the office."

"Hey Tal what times is it?" Joz asked me.

"One-thirty."

"We better find a place to stay."

"Do you need a ride?" Steph offered. I just noticed she was in all black.

"That would be nice."

"That's my car." She pointed at Big Blue.

"Shot gun!" I called.

Our stuff was in the back seat along with Joz. I was up front with Steph.

"So, um… Miss. Plum," (that felt odd) "does this mean you blew up a car recently?"

She sighed. "Last night, how did you know?"

"You're driving a 53 Buick that's powder blue." I said it like that was the obvious reason.

She shook her head. "Where to?" She asked.

Joz leaned up between the seats. "A hotel would be good."

"Lafayette, Marriott." I said.

--

"Thank you again." We thanked Steph for dropping us off and wondered if she's going to be late.

"Lets get a room, we're going to be here for a while." Joz said and if she's going to be late.

"The car is going to take at least a week I guess… probably more."

We got a room for a week for an outrageous amount of money. I put it on my card. I had enough in my bank account for this. I'm so glad I'm not a spender. We got a key and lugged ourselves and our stuff up to a suite on the 4th floor.

I let go of my stuff soon as we cleared the down and I flopped on to the nearest bed. Joz took the other bed. I was faced down immobile, Joz was more collected, she was faced up, hands folded over her chest, serene.

"Let's call our moms." Joz said fishing out her phone from her pocket.

I sat up and did the same. I dialed and waited for the ring. The annoying beeping that told me I got the wrong number came up and I hung up immediately. Sometimes that happens to me so I redialed. But I got the same thing again… _the number you have dialed is no longer in use…._

I look at Joz wondering if she got through to her mom, but she was staring at her phone; then she looked up at me. I guess she was getting the same thing I was.

"No connection?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "What about you?"

I shake my head and then fall back into bed.

"Have you thought of any explanations?" I ask her. We both knew that what's happening is impossible. We are in the Plumverse and that was simply impossible… or not considering we are here.

"We're both delusional?" She offered.

"And delusioning about the same thing?" I ask her sarcastically. I turn to the side and face her. She gives me the middle finger. Neither of us commented on the fact that delusioning isn't a word.

"I have some theories, wanna hear?"

She gave a big sigh, "let's hear it."

It isn't that she didn't want to hear my ideas it's just that she hated pointing out that my ideas were crazy, because I'll never let it go.

"One: Janet wrote about real people."

She gave me one of those looks that clearly said that it was impossible.

"Right. Two: this is a gigantic joke courtesy of Trenton."

"I don't think so." Joz wasn't a paranoid schizophrenic, so naturally she didn't think it was possible for a whole city to get together and play a joke like this on unsuspecting innocent Plumverse fans.

"Fine, fine. Then there's only one explanations left." This was the most ridiculous one I had. "When we got hit by lightening, we went through some kind of time dimensional warp. The lightening could have been because of the warp or because it created the warp. And because we were in a car we weren't dispersed… you know, like in Angel when they went to Pylea."


End file.
